Sunday, March 1, 2009

Episode 39 -- Interlude #1

The great superhero known as the Obese American awoke at midnight from a restless slumber to discover two spirits in his bedroom – arguing about politics. The first, named Barry, was formally known as the Spirit of Liberalism; the other, Tom, was the Spirit of Conservatism. Since politics confused him, and since the spirits would not shut up, the hero began asking questions.

QUESTION: “What is Liberalism?”

BARRY: “Liberalism is the belief that increased government control leads to the greater good. Government solves social problems and ultimately brings about Justice. Liberals are kind-hearted people who want what is best for America.”

TOM: “I agree with your definition: liberals want control. I disagree, however, that increased government involvement brings about anything other than bureaucracy and misery.”

QUESTION: “What do you mean?”

TOM: “There are many examples of government programs. Very few of these programs that remain for any length of time serve the public good. The education system is a wreck that is more concerned with bean-counting than with learning. Social Security is always going broke, and yet it provides for a bare existence. If the aim is to assist poor old people, we’d be better off handing out cash on the street. Amtrak rail lines and trains are rarely upgraded, and the trains are late frequently. Rather than helping, the Welfare system encourages people to become addicted to Government. Even the Postal Service survives because private carriers are not permitted to deliver first-class letters. Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac created the current disaster precisely because of government interference. I can find no area in which government’s involvement has been beneficial.”

BARRY: “What about health care? Many people depend on Medicare, and many others are without health care. This is a crisis that the government must solve.”

TOM: “In the first place, it’s hardly a crisis. Most people who have no health care plan are in that situation deliberately. Secondly, nationalized health care is a poor alternative. Imagine waiting a year to get treatment! London’s newspapers report about year-long wait times for ten percent of all patients. The government has a “target” time-frame during which they hope to treat patients: that’s four and one-half months.” Canada’s system receives about 70% of its funding from the government. The average wait times for tests like MRI’s can be up to 22 months in some provinces; you might wait three years for surgery. Maybe that’s why 65% of all Canadians have another form of health care, in addition to what the government gives. I’ll stand by what I said: when government is involved, it’s a disaster.”

QUESTION: “What would liberals do for the economy?”

BARRY: “We’ll create millions of jobs with our stimulus package. People need jobs.”

TOM: “Very little of that ‘package’ creates new jobs. One estimate says that maybe 93% of it involves non-stimulative spending. While you’re providing a few dollars here and there, the people will have to pay for those massive spending increases. In the long run, that’ll mean reduced take-home pay.”

BARRY: “We’ll tax businesses –“

TOM: “—who will fire employees so that they can afford to pay the taxes.”

BARRY: “We’ll be fair to them by taxing only rich people.”

TOM: “You’re already doing that. The top 25% of wage earners pay about 86% of all taxes, and the top 1% pay about 39% of all taxes. That’s your idea of fair? Part of the liberal plan gives tax ‘rebates’ to people who don’t pay taxes!”

QUESTION: “Maybe there are a few problems, but what’s wrong with Barry’s plan?”

TOM: “This is how to turn a recession into a depression. First…create a panic. Liberals have done that; George Soros is saying that these times are worse than the Great Depression. People will stop traveling, and they’ll stop spending. Businesses will make less, and they’ll lay people off. Next, spend a lot of money on projects that create very little future infrastructure – like millions for fish hatcheries and electric cars. Some states that might take money are refusing to take it because of the strings attached. Then, because things aren’t really so bad, you pump up the money supply to create inflation – so the people have reduced buying power. Then hike the minimum wage, again forcing businesses to lay people off. Once the people have to pay for the projects, push more projects and more spending on the people – telling them that they’re helpless without the government’s assistance. UCLA economists determined that President Roosevelt’s policies added seven years to the length of the depression.

“If someone, perceiving a problem, thinks that the solution is to smother it with bureaucratic regulations and red tape, that person is a liberal.”

NEXT: What is Conservatism?