Do We Need a Calamity in Order to C*RE?

Our social system at GBC is designed, in part, by well-meaning attorneys. If one expresses concern for someone's progress, or for their happiness, that concern is misinterpreted, shaken, reconstituted, and recreated as something "inappropriate" or "unprofessional." Therefore, we are all made aware that "care" is a dirty word. Telling a student or coworker that you care leaves both you and the institution wide open for a gaggle of lawsuits.

Sometimes, what someone really needs is a hug. A hug can save the day...truly. However, the willy-nilly dispensation of hugs is misinterpreted, shaken, reconstituted, and recreated as an inappropriate display of affection. If you hug a coworker frequently enough, the gossip mill will churn out stories of the most shocking variety -- and here comes that lawsuit again.

Consequently, we work in a society in which it is best not to care. Keep your head down, and keep your emotions in check. The pure "T" -- the thinker -- is the smartest hire for any position. The system virtually requires the hire of employees who will stare blankly as others fail or go through trials. Getting others to demonstrate care toward others is more difficult than putting a camel through the eye of a needle (or getting a wealthy person into heaven, if I follow the analogy).

Recently, however, there was a certain calamity, and in the wake of that calamity, the lawyers have turned the other way. Suddenly, everyone must care. Suddenly there is an outpouring of positive emotion of a magnitude unseen since the colonials won the revolution and secured the right to low-cost tea. Hugs, smiles, and tears have become abundant. It may not be politically correct to care, but we have stopped being concerned about what is socially acceptable. We CARE.

Will it take another calamity, or will we be able to take this genuine emotional event into our daily lives? It would be terrific if the college could be transformed by this shared experience. Let us go forth and delight in one another, worry about one another, and care for one another and give up challenging one another, envying one another, and ignoring one another. Let us become known as "the college where we care about YOU." I continue to dream.

Acting Like Children

During that hour, the students came to Jesus, saying, "Then who is the greatest in the kingdom of the heavens?" And he called a school child to him and stood it in their midst, and he said, "Indeed I am telling you, unless you turn and become like the children, you will by no means enter into the kingdom of the heavens. Therefore, whoever may humble himself like this child, this one is the greatest in the kingdom of the heavens. And whoever may receive one such child in my name, he is receiving me. But whoever causes one of these little ones who trust in me to stumble, it would make sense for him that an upper millstone be hung around his neck and for him to be plunged down in the deep waters of the sea. (Mt 18:1-6)

Being childish isn't such a bad thing. Young children are capable of grasping deep concepts (such as what numbers are) -- notions that give adults pause. Children are able to imagine what they are physically unable to see, hear, or touch. They can visualize things that they are unable to do. Children look upon the world with wonder, and the world looks back with similar wonder.

When problems arise, do we remember how imaginatively we used to solve problems when we were children? When we engage in emotional spats with one another, do we recall how those same troubles used to disappear with each new day? When we become territorial at work, do we recollect how many times we were told to share? As kids, we may have pouted occasionally, but we learned those rules -- only to have forgotten them when we became adults.

Here are some interesting rules that we all learned years ago:

"1. No hitting or biting allowed.
2. Use good manners. Say 'please,' 'thank you,' and 'excuse me.'
3. Say 'have a good day' to employees at the grocery, bank, and so on, as you exit a business." (Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World, p. 92)

Or how about these rules about property?

"1. Share your toys with your friends.
2. Keep one and share one when candy is given out.
3. Always let your friends go first." (ibid)

Or these rules about responsibility?

"1. Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
2. Do not blame others when you get in trouble. Take responsibility for your own actions.
3. Ask before using someone else's belongings." (ibid, p. 93)

Michael Grose writes, "Conflict is part of daily living. Effective people resolve conflict in ways that protect relationships, honour feelings and lead to a resolution. They neither avoid conflict nor do they use power to dominate others or win conflict." (Teach Your Children How to Resolve Conflict Without Anger or Power)

Again, we knew all of these things when we were younger. Have the so-called practicalities of adult living rendered these principles worthless? May it never happen! Therefore, in our dealings with one another let us behave at least as politely and respectfully as we teach our children to behave. Then maybe we will regain the sense of wonder and imagination that we have lost as adults.