The Serialized Adventures of a Modern Hero

What has gone before...

The sky was dark but clear. As usual, the commute across the Nevada desert was an unenviable task, and attorney Bobby Yokel found that the distance from Elko to Pahrump was much farther than the distance from Pahrump to Elko. Even so, he made good use of his time. He was eating junk food and talking on his cellular phone as he navigated the journey.

For the moment, though, let us step backward in time a few years. Young Bobby grew up wanting only one thing: to work at his favorite restaurant -- McBurger's. He did very little in high school that was not required, but his teachers passed him from grade to grade anyway. In college, he cheated his way through several courses until he achieved his master's degree in business administration.
Bobby's focus had been on the money he might make with an MBA, but the job proved to be too difficult for him.

This took Mr. Yokel to law school, where he spent more taxpayer dollars on what was allegedly his education. He emerged from that episode of his life with a degree, and yet he was no better prepared after college than he had been during his days at McBurger's. Fate was about to make him a hero -- something that Bobby equated with a sandwich from Gubway.

For on that ominous night -- several miles from the town of Rachel -- Bobby's inattentive driving brought his Hummer into head-on contact with a semi driven by a student in the Bates-Grayson College CDL program. The student was unharmed, but Mr. Yokel's Hummer rolled several times before slamming into a large rock. Bobby met his maker, but the Maker sent him back to earth....

The BGC instructor, Johnny Johnson by name, was annoyed at the prospect that his secret defense contract was about to be uncovered. He scrambled to contact high-level government bureaucrats. Within minutes, Bobby's nearly lifeless body was being rushed to nearby Area 51 (which had been a stop on the Extraterrestrial Highway before the important research was shifted to nearby Yucck mountain).

Once inside the Groom Lake facility, doctors and scientists stared at his two-hundred-seventy-pound frame. There was little they could do for him at this point. "However," one of them said, "perhaps if we install in his body all of the alien technology whose functions we do not comprehend...perhaps that will save him."

Indeed, Bobby Yokel's life was spared that night, and the unknown gadgets implanted in him by the scientists at Area 51 put him in touch with mainstream America. Since that fateful evening, Bobby Yokel has been compelled to fight terror, crime, and socialism wherever they may be. He's a great patriot. He's larger than life. He is...THE OBESE AMERICAN.